What is unconditional love in the 21st century? I think it might be seen differently to that of times gone by. My belief is that each of us must look within and re-learn to see everything from the view of being unconditionally loveable.
The trees, the sunrise, the many variations of nature all point towards this enormous variation of each and every unique thing on the planet, including the people that each of us are.
I think that what drives the desire to see all as unconditional, as in it is what it is, comes from that inner self or inner presence that each of us can tap into when we do an internal Google searching for meaning in our lives.
We are the source of being able to see things unconditional. I think unconditional love just flows from this, someone coined the phrase and we want to treat it different to other things, which we know are unconditional. Things like the weather, it’s raining or it’s not. Facts are facts and I try distinguishing a real fact from some made up concept.
The reality is that I cannot change anything but myself. So loving someone conditional is totally irrational to me. How can I make anyone behave as I want or wish them to and is this ever fair?
What puts me in the Queen’s shoes if am to say that this or that is better behaviour than this or that. All behaviour is how any society has been conformed or conditioned to behave. Across our world are enormous variations on “how to behave”. We never get the chance to be left alone to become who we are. Often someone is hounding us to do this, do that, learn this, learn that, play sport, get thin, get healthy, get rich, stop whining, or stop singing – it’s all a complete sham of conditioning from the day we are born.
Not to be negative, as I have no need to, I look around and I see that Yes I like some people more than others. I form a natural bond with some easier than others, some like me and some don’t like me and this is all good from the view that it is what it is. Nothing is good and nothing is bad. It is the way it is. Like the sun rises and we accept that. We each are who we are and we can only accept that. We cannot change that.
Understanding that I cannot make anyone happy….they have to source that from within themselves, it seems natural to me to love all people unconditionally. Why or how would I love them any other way?
By nature I am an ultra sensitive person, that is who I am, there is not a lot I can do about my natural reactions, they happen. With my new found awareness I know I can stop that part of me as it climbs to irrational thinking via being ultra sensitive. I feel the anger of others, I see it and I know it and I take it on board as my own or my fault or my lacking in some way. I see the judgments others make of me whether they voice it or not, I sense it; I feel it and I know it and it hurts. My thoughts are ‘who are they to judge me? why do they do this?’ In asking these last two questions I am now judging them, I have joined in not because it is natural but more because I have been conditioned to do this. I have been conditioned to react and respond without awareness. Some have been conditioned to repress their thoughts and feelings, they have dug a hole and buried their emotions. What I was never taught to do was to look at ‘my thoughts’ with the understanding that they belonged to me. Many years ago I gave up blaming people, all people, for the things that happen to me. I understood that I was responsible for my how I felt – at level 1.
I say at level 1 because what I did not understand was that there was a level 2. At level 2 I must now include in that the comprehension that when someone says something like “I feel you are looking over my shoulder” that is their thought and nothing to do with me. Vice Versa applies if I am thinking that someone is always looking over my shoulder, it does not mean that they are actually doing that, it is only my thinking that frames that thought. Is it really true is another question I have to look at and if it is – do I make that important. Do I fear it? This is where we can come undone.
When I was in Primary School I was extremely ultra sensitive and one day some girls were not too kind to me. I ran home crying and my Mother said “Oh those nasty little girls”. This was the message; it was all their fault for being nasty, I was never asked to look at and understand why I let them upset me so much. I know my Mother was not the only person viewing other people this way; she was conditioned to do so by her own background. For many years I blamed my Mother for everything, as seems common to do, with Mothers. Being I am a Mother myself I now get to stand in her shoes! Karma.
With my awareness of who I am I can now say STOP, to my thoughts, at a point where I see the bridge to the road of irrational and turn down another path.
Sometimes I still cross the bridge and when I realise I have crossed that bridge I will start to laugh as I know I am consistently failing. However with each failure there is an opportunity to repeat the lesson and pass. So I give myself that opportunity to wait for the next lesson and see how I go.
As I look around I see that each one of us are at different spots on the same line of humanity. We all move forwards and backwards with regular patterns, each unique like a leaf.
In the 21st century with all the information online and books available about “unconditional love” to read, absorb, observe are we any better off? Are we learning anything? Are we feeling that we are loved unconditionally? Each of us answers our own questions.
Perhaps more importantly is how we answer those questions to ourselves. We all react, we all judge, we all compare, we have so many common and uncommon elements how can we be conditional is more my question.
To me, it is natural to be unconditional. To be in a state of love, I suspect, is how we are born. I think we get trained by others to be conditional and albeit we all need some rules or it would be chaos, the one rule we do not need is to judge ourselves. It all starts within us.
Keeping myself in that natural unconditional state seems a bit of a juggling act to me. I am influenced by the code of conduct or rules of my nation, my city, my town, my neighbourhood, my friends and my family. I hear people being judged, including judgments of me and before I know it I am doing the same, I’ve joined the club that I didn’t want to belong to. I am now acting in the same way, as I dislike seeing others act.
As I say STOP in my own head, I wait for the day when I say it out loud to someone and then that sets the wheels in motion again and I look at the road across that bridge and I start to meander towards it, weary, discouraged and irrational. Eventually I turn around, face the 21st century, see myself as loveable and capable of passing that test, when it presents again, as it will.
Copyright © Mary Willetts 2016