Yesterday is gone


Yesterday is gone

Listening to a song I hear the words “Don’t look back on yesterday”. I go join a Gym. Whatever we do today is done and gone, it is all yesterday. I am thinking what I want gone by tomorrow is my flab. I have too much that moves.

With this in mind I rock up to the gym and decide this equipment is so sophisticated I will need lessons.  They have TV’s on most equipment. I don’t have a TV at home. It makes me laugh to see people running on treadmills with a TV attached to the treadmill and earphones attached to them.

Still feeling committed to leaving my flab in yesterday I pay the fees, sign the forms, and check my ‘out clause’ won’t be too costly.

I am told to book in an appointment with a – ‘ Tech adviser.’

The lessons went well – this will be great. It’s a full week before I find the energy to go back there.

Why do we do this? Get all geared up and committed and then go completely flat. Now I have added an extra thing in my life to feel guilty over. ‘Oh God I don’t feel like going to the gym’ I say to myself as I walk to the car after work. Gym bag in boot; all week.

‘Why should I feel guilty anyway?’ I ask myself. Nobody is making me do anything. The flab can stay – it is more than welcome, it feels right at home anyway.

I was reading a business letter through the week written by someone in the area I work in.  The letter needed to address that a mistake had been made, the starting sentence was “Apologies we have ………..” it was worded so well I liked it. These first three words acknowledged a mistake was made. No fuss was made and the solution was offered. Brilliant. The writer had done a great job.

I made a mistake when I emailed someone who was important to me, a typo in the email. In my haste to get the email away I missed the one word mistake. It was not until some days later when I was re-reading what I had sent that I saw the word was wrong. That one word changed the whole tone of the email. What should I do? Fess up and say ‘I made a terrible mistake this word was meant to be this word’. I prattle on at the best of times. If I start I will never stop and the person will stop reading. I decide to say and do nothing.

Maybe a more appropriate way to sort out my typo mistake will arrive in the future, somehow, somewhere. As I consider my choice to think and nurture my life in a positive way I daydream about what lies just around the corner.

What do I want besides less flab? Maybe I’ll go to the gym. Sometimes too much thinking is a waste of mind matter.

I notice I am still in ditsy mode and do wonder, without worry, when this will change. I think about the Sponge Bob movie and my own mermaid magic. What can I do to influence the course of my life? To boost my confidence?  Can I put myself out there anymore than I do without being down right dangerous?  I decide no I can’t. I am a risk taker and that does put me at risk at times.  When I find myself in that situation I want to give myself the biggest slap, which doesn’t help. I try to learn from the mistakes I make but do wonder, with worry, there are an infinite number to make and I have only scratched the surface.

Every time I worry I decide it is time to think about something funny. Shift my mind from blaming me to things other people do, which makes me laugh.

In my last short lived relationship with that someone who was, to me, very promising, we were out at a venue listening to a wonderful singer. He went off in search of food, it was late afternoon and not a lot was available. He came back with this large toasted sandwich, only one. My first response was “Where is mine?” he opened the sandwich took a look, and then looked at me, then back to the sandwich. It was soon clear I didn’t want one and he was not eating this one.  He felt obliged to buy it but wasn’t going to eat it. The toasted sandwich sat on the plate and every time I looked at the sandwich I laughed. Because of this he wrapped it carefully in a serviette and left it on the plate. This made me laugh all the more; you could still see it was the whole sandwich. As we left he discreetly picked up the wrapped sandwich and took it with him. I was amazed. I would have left it but he did not want to offend anyone.

What was the argument with him about? He seemed rather nice to me.

Maybe I should contact this man and use all of my mermaid magic on him. How long will I wait to find someone so considerate?

Yesterday might be gone and I cannot undo what I have done but I can say something today which will alter tomorrow.

Copyright © Mary Willetts 2011

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