Change won’t happen when we do things the way they were always done or the way we were taught to do them.
Without the search for better ways – we would still be pulling a plough on our backs and even that was a step forward at the time to ‘how it was always done.’
Each of us has a different take on the world that is how it is. Accept this – it is reality.
To offer this “oh this is how it is always done” as an excuse for not changing or anything at all really is playing a victim role. Once your view of yourself is woe is me – complete selfishness starts to thrive from within and this becomes who you are in the form of a body. You might not look to be completely selfish but by default once we start hurting from within there is nowhere else this can take us.
Changing the subject now to becoming engaged from within. To be engaged in what we do can offer some “space”. Space can allow, all by itself something akin to peace.
Without space we fix our minds on issues. These issues can create strong feelings. Issues that our minds create often do not fit into reality. Issues like we do this because this is how it has always been done. This may seem like reality but the reality is we can look at a different way to do this.
We form opinions from observations and experiences we have. We then call these our beliefs. When something happens we get another “hit” to add to our beliefs.
Each new “hit” triggers a feeling. We think we need to listen to our feelings. Feelings come and go. They are clouds moving across the landscape of our minds, continually, as clouds do.
Very few feelings seem to match with reality. Once we become more aware of what reality is.
This week I felt a bit sick late one afternoon while at the office where I work for x number of days a week. Logic told me it could be due to this, this, this or this. As the working day came to an end I left the office glad to be going home because I did not feel all that well.
On the drive home I put the car window down to get some fresh air into my lungs and intuitively considered what was going to help me. At this level I am using my feelings and emotions with awareness in an endeavor to change the course of my feeling unwell. I listen to this and let it guide me.
At other times I sense or know my feelings are misguiding me. As an example I make a mistake at work, this is disappointing to me. However beyond being disappointing to me the feelings within me start to flare up and tell me all sorts of stories, stories that I am creating as there is nobody else in my head, only me.
I own it and call it my paranoia moment. It starts with forming beliefs about how other people might view me. It is a truly horrible experience when we start to beat ourselves up from within or add these paranoia moments to our beliefs, to our attachments of ‘worth’. What am I worth, that card file we so often keep in our minds wardrobe about who we are and our worth or value. Not just at a dollar level at any level that includes positive and negative feelings. People tell me they feel ‘worthless’. This is paranoia and as we see this for what it is we can and do change it. This has to be the single most worthwhile change we ever make.
Mostly we have a core sense of what we need. We all seem to sense when we need sleep and when we need rest, our bodies and mind tell us so in may ways.
We have feelings and emotions so therefore they must be necessary. When I felt sick I listened to what my body was saying it wanted. Regardless of how silly that might be, generally, I will follow the advice my instincts point to.
When I start down a road of judging others or myself with inner feelings attached to worth or value of them or me, I stop this.
That ‘thinking’ is not my instinct. Call it anything but it equates to nothing more than something like clouds momentarily passing on by. I let them pass by. To allow this ‘thinking’ is to invite the storm inside. That is what I witness most people do. At that level, people create this.
I am noticing more and more when feelings and emotions drive me and when they misguide me.
This could also be viewed as not believing everything we are told. We do get taught that pretty early in our lives by one means or another. Yet from within we seem to allow that same thing. If a feeling tells us we are worthless we want to accept that. Why?
Looking at fear, staying with workplace issues, let us say we are fearful of going to work because something may have happened at work to trigger some uncomfortable response. Most uncomfortable responses are a reaction to some fear. This is what I observe happens to me.
Rather than view the uncomfortable response as just that, a small workplace decision or mistake made. We add a good does of emotion and feelings and we heap that in this then it gets whips together. A right frenzied crazy response well past the solid reality of what happened.
Due to the explosion of the Internet and our ability for instant communication I notice that the potential for confusion and exhaustion has become a high risk to lifestyles.
At anytime we can read for free all about what we should do to be successful, how to lose weight, what to do about this and what to do about that. All listed as numbers to work through. A list, 1 – 5 checklist for a successful life. Just follow this and you can will get this. When are we allowed to be still and do nothing?
If the only down time we get is when we sit and drink alcohol – we have a huge problem here on earth.
I don’t want to live my experiences in shades of confusion or exhaustion. I have been provided a body to live a life of whatever experiences arrive. Most things that have happened in my life I have had limited control over. First I was born. I had no control over that or the situation I was born into. Is there anymore that needs to be said on this?
Each of us can choose to accept, resist (which is anger over something – an internal fight against acceptance usually fear based) or change what we may be able to. That’s about it. All else is sheer silliness. We don’t need lists to be, we just are.
Any energy lost on any sort of negativity drains the energy that could be used to learn something or do something effectively.
The biggest drain on energy is the compulsive thinking patterns that we develop over time and believe them to be our feelings that we need to honor.
If my only real choice is to change than that is the only thing I need to spend time on. Not that I want to suggest in anyway to run around in a frenzied state and change everything.
To change something just for the sake of change is also sheer silliness.
The grass is not greener elsewhere that’s why we start with acceptance. The grass is green, that’s acceptable isn’t it?
You can be annoyed that the grass is not blue, you can try and make it blue, invent a new seed or do something, striving to make grass blue. Yes you can do that. Good luck on that, I’ll be elsewhere.
I can get into a flap and I can get overloaded and overwhelmed and each time this happens I see more clearly how I have created this. I accept I am a human being.
At the other end of that I can be lazy and I can be completely unmotivated. I accept that I am a human being without offering that up as an excuse for choosing to be lazy. It’s a fine line we walk. To brush off mistakes as “well I am only human” is to never learn to get better at what we do.
I accept that all of life has that yin and yang component. Polarity is reality.
The house is clean and tidy one week, not the next. It is what it is. I do what I can when I can and forgive myself for all the in-between states I find myself living with. The universal world by design is not perfect. It shifts.
I don’t want to live with the tension of not being able to cope with a dirty kitchen floor or never cleaning the floor. Both have elements of anxiety. I dislike anxiety as an experience.
I have never felt like a victim I have always understood I can change things or accept them. I have not always changed things.
For a good part of my life I have just waited.
At some level I am only just starting to work out what I can change and then something leads me towards the way in which that happens. I do not have that much control, nor do I want that control. I allow, that’s all.
So much of my life has just happened. I could never have orchestrated the things that happened to me. How could I control who I would meet and when?
How could I have controlled my childhood? How could I have chosen my first school? How could I control how I look, the colour of my skin, the colour of my eyes?
Although change won’t happen by doing the same things the same way nor is it acceptance to do something just because that’s the way it’s always been done.
So what is missing here?
If all I control is my acceptance to change but not all change will make for a perfect life how will I know what change is necessary and what change is not a healthy response to reality?
To have the willingness to wait and the ability to recognize when change can or must happen is living how it is. Living in the now, being present, accepting what is, being efficient in tasks we do by staying focused on one thing at a time and doing that well, doing the best you know how to do and each separate action is savoured and enjoy for how it is, for what it is.
What happens instead of this is compulsive thinking all the time. Thinking things like “once I get off work I will do this and do that, then I will feel happy. I need a break. I need a holiday. I need more money, then I will feel happy. I want a new car, new job, new spouse and new shoes that will make me happy. Everyone else is successful therefore I am not this or that, how can I be happy if I am not this or that, I am therefore.. (add your words, they are not my words) I have to do this and follow rules to get this and get that. I cannot be happy without this and that and this and that” and that constantly changes once we get this and get that.
Trying to make the grass grow in your shade of blue sounds like madness but I observe people trying to do that all the time.
Just be still and wait.
Copyright © Mary Willetts 2017